The chip bag, the salt and the crumbs on your chin…

I know I’m not the only one who actually HEARS the chip bag in a room calling my name.  There is an audible conversation from the bag. That PUFF of “snackosphere”

that belts the nostrils upon opening the bag actually speaks to my brine receptors in my brain (really not sure if there is research for such a thing- but I have them).   For this reason, I keep them out of my house.  I don’t buy them. I avoid them because of the chipaholic behavior that ensues with… the Chip.

Surely, I’m not the only one who walks into a get together and can HEAR the chips?  To others, they are sitting quietly in a bowl on a counter or side table; but to you they are yelling “I’m so salty and crunchy. I’m gluten free. Eat just a few of me”.

You’ve played this game before. You avoid the bowl eating your veggies and hummus (cuz these are crunchy and have loads of satisfying flavor).  You laugh with friends and you avoid the room with the bowl – no need to look at the chips. Then it happens. Your friend walks up with a plate of the heavenly odd shaped, pale yellow, salty tongue exciters and yo

u watch him place one in his mouth.  You literally have no idea what he is saying because all you can hear is the crunch of the chip in his mouth.  You watch as he crunches and swallows and keep your eye off of that leftover chip crumb on his chin.

That’s it. You better act now; there is high probability that these saltiferous, mouthwatering, exquisite snacks are sure to disappear way before the hummus does. You decide you are a grown up and can handle ONE HANDFUL of chips.  You excuse yourself from the conversation (having no idea what he’s told you and embarrassed to admit it is because you have CHIP ADD). You walk room to room with eyes glancing left and right with a smile to each person you make eye contact with looking for one thing only: the chip bowl.

And there it is. The golden salt lick treat sitting patiently for your visit.  The light hitting them just right. And BONUS! Someone has just FILLED the bowl with a fresh batch of unbroken delight. You take a deep breath, reaching around 4 people in a maze path to grab your ONE HANDFUL of chips.  And because your hand can only hold so many – sadly a couple

jump from your hand as you put your arm in reverse through the munch maze.

Next step of the routine: Must put the drink down so you can manage the hand to mouth action without sacrificing any more of your golden friends and you start the gratification of your decision.  One chip at a time, you savor the tingle on the tongue – cankers screaming – you crunch, chew, suck and swallow.  Mmmmmmmmmmmm chips are THE BEST SNACK IN THE WORLD.

And you stand there to have ONE MORE HANDFUL…

And then the chips are gone

And then you have a sore tongue from the sharp golden ‘enemy’,  thirsty for 4 days and feel like total S*%t because you caved to the GMO, chemically processed, salt lick labeled and packaged for addiction.

I write this blog to make you laugh…. But also to let you know that we are all human and all have that ‘one thing’ that pulls us off track. It doesn’t have to be because we aren’t a good person, “weak”, depressed or angry or totally whacko-crazy from our other people’s behavior.  It doesn’t make us ‘bad’. It makes us human and this does not define our self-worth.  Nor does a handful (or bowlful) of chips once in a while make or break health.

I am a huge proponent for the 90/10 rule.  90% of the time I eat food for micro & macro nutrients and glucose to fuel the body (nutrients, carbohydrates, fats, proteins, and energy). I try to buy, prepare and eat whole (not broken) foods.  I keep the mantra “everything we eat and drink is either fighting disease or feeding it”.  But 10% of the time I eat to enjoy life. I say “Fagetaboutit” and bow to the chip.  There is no guilt or self-loathing because after years of working with clients and patients; these emotions cascade into a domino effect of bad relationships with food and an opposite 90/10 where 90% of the foods are processed and lack any nutrition or self-love.

My name is Lisa Vasile, and I am a Chip-o-holic.