The chip bag, the salt and the crumbs on your shirt…
Contrary to what most believe; Functional Medicinepractitioners are not “perfect”.
I know I’m not the only one who actually HEARS the chip bag in a room calling my name. There is an audible conversation the
bag has with me – that PUFF of “snackosphere” that entices the nostrils upon opening the bag. It actually speaks to the brine receptors in my brain (really not sure if there is research for such a thing- but I have them). For this reason, I keep them out of my house. I don’t buy them. I avoid them because of the chipaholic behavior that ensues between me and the Chip.
Surely, I’m not the only one who walks into a get together and can HEAR the chips? To others, they are sitting quietly in a bowl on a counter or side table; but to me they are yelling “I’m so salty and crunchy. Don’t miss this opportunity. Eat just a few of me”.
I’ve played this game before. I avoid the bowl, eating my veggies and hummus (cuz these are crunchy and have loads of satisfying flavor). I laugh with friends and I avoid the room with the bowl – no need to look at the chips.
Then it happens. My friend walks up with a plate of the heavenly odd shaped, pale yellow, salty treats and I watch him place one in his mouth. I literally have no idea what he is saying because all I can hear is the crunch of the chip in his mouth. I watch as he crunches and swallows and keep myeye off of that leftover chip crumb on his shirt.
That’s it. I better act now; there is high probability that these saltiferous, mouthwatering, exquisite snacks are sure to disappear way before the hummus does. I decide I am a grown up and can handle ONE HANDFUL of chips. I excuse myself from the conversation (having no idea what he’s told me and embarrassed to admit it is because I have CHIP ADD). I walk room to room with eyes glancing left and right with a smile to each person I make eye contact with, looking for one thing only: the chip bowl.
And there it is. The golden salt lick treat sitting patiently for my visit. The light hitting them just right. And BONUS! Someone has just FILLED the bowl with a fresh batch of unbroken delight. I take a deep breath, reaching around 4 people in a maze path to grab my ONE HANDFUL of chips. And because my hand can only hold so many – sadly a couple jump from my hand as I put my arm in reverse through the munch maze.
Next step of the routine: Must put the drink down so I can manage the hand to mouth action without sacrificing any more of my golden friends and I start the gratification of my decision. One chip at a time I savor the tingle on the tongue – cankers screaming – I crunch, chew, suck and swallow. Mmmmmmmmmmmm chips are THE BEST SNACK IN THE WORLD!
And I stand there to have ONE MORE HANDFUL… And then the chips are gone.
And then I have a sore tongue from the sharp golden ‘enemy’, thirsty for 4 days and feel like total S*%t because I caved to the GMO, chemically processed, salt lick labeled and packaged for addiction. The epitomy of a ‘broken” food.
I write this blog to make you laugh…. But also to let you know that we are all human and all have that ‘one thing’ that pulls us off track. It doesn’t have to be because we aren’t a good person, we are depressed or angry or totally whacko-crazy from our kids’ behavior. It doesn’t make us ‘bad’. It makes us human and this does not define our self-worth. Nor does a handful (or bowlful) of chips once in a while make or break health.
I am a huge proponent for the 90/10 rule. 90% of the time I eat food for micro & macro nutrients and glucose to fuel the body (nutrients, carbohydrates, fats, proteins, and energy). I try to buy, prepare and eat whole (not broken) foods. I keep the mantra “everything we eat and drink is either fighting disease or feeding it”. But 10% of the time I eat to enjoy life. I say “Fagetaboutit” and bow to my Chip ADD. There is no guilt or self-loathing because after years of working with clients and patients; these emotions cascade into a domino effect of an opposite 90/10 where 90% of the foods are processed and lack any nutrition or self-love.
My name is Lisa Vasile, and I am a Chip-o-holic with Chip ADD.